


Please Never Let Go

by Cant_We_Just_Dance



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Cancer, M/M, Proposals, Thomas will die, terminal illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 00:01:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_We_Just_Dance/pseuds/Cant_We_Just_Dance
Summary: Thomas only has a little bit of time left.And he wishes he had more, if only to spend it with Alexander.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is @jamisahivemind from tumblr! Make sure to comment, kudos, and hang out with me on the hellsite!

“Alexander?” Thomas asked, creaking open the door to the shorter man’s study. The man in question was hunched over his keyboard, typing faster than any man should be able to. His face was softly illuminated by the glowing computer screen in front of him.

“Thomas!” Alexander exclaimed, looking away from his work for what must have been the first time in hours. “Where have you been all day? I was worried sick..”

“Darling, I want you to know that I love you very, very much.” Thomas stated softly, walking over to Alexander and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. “And I really hope that you know that.”  
  


“Thomas, what’s going on?” Alexander asked, moving his gaze as to look the other man in the eyes. “Is something wrong? Did something happen while you were gone today?”

“Alexander, just promise me that you know I love you.”

“I promise, Thomas. I love you too, but please tell me, what’s going on?”

“And you know that I’d never want to leave you, right?”

“Yes, Thomas, I know.”

“Because I don’t want to. Not ever.”

“I don’t either, Thomas.  But it hurts me to see you in so much pain like this. Please, tell me…what happened?”

“I have cancer.”

“…What?”

“I have a brain tumor. They won’t be able to operate on it without killing me. It’s terminal, Alexander. I’m going to die.”

“No, Thomas, you aren’t-”

“Yes, Alex. I’m going to die. I don’t want to die, Alex. I don’t want to leave you here…I love you so much, so, so, much, Alex. More than anything. If someone put a gun to my head and asked for my best reason to live, it would be you. I promise.”

“Thomas, I-”

“Alexander, I have about a year to live.”

Thomas wiped a tear away from Alexander’s cheek, kissing the spot where it had been just moments ago. Alexander stood up, setting his chair aside. “Stay there. I need to do something.” He muttered, sprinting out of the room and quickly returning. He stood in front of a slightly confused Thomas before grabbing one of his hands and getting down on one knee.

“I was waiting for a good time to do this…but…” Alexander whispered, pulling a small box out of his pocket. Opening the box, he revealed a small, golden ring. “Thomas Jefferson…will you marry me?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, this takes place a little while after the first chapter!

“Alex… I’m so sorry…” Thomas whispered, his voice hoarse from crying, as he held Alexander close in their bed. “I wish I could spend the rest of our lives together… Just you and me, forever… I’m so sorry that I can’t give you forever.”

Alexander pressed his face against the scratchy fabric of Thomas’s shirt, afraid that if he stopped drying his tears, the water would spill over his mind like a sinking ship. “H-how long did the doctors say you had left?” He asked quietly for the hundredth time that night, somehow convinced that if he kept asking, he would get the answer he desired.

“Four months,” Thomas replied, running his hand through his fiance’s hair in effort to calm him down. “Three good months, and one month in a hospital bed connected to a hundred little machines that are supposed to keep me alive.”

“I don’t want three good months and one bad one…” Alexander muttered, spiteful at the universe that had seemingly given him Thomas as a reward for doing something good, but he could never figure out what he had done to deserve the man holding him at the moment. “I want forever.”

“I know, love…” Thomas murmured, trying not to cry anymore, to be able to have Alexander lay against his chest without being disturbed by his sobs. “And if I could, I’d give you a million pieces of forever, where we could dance on the stars and laugh because the sun can’t shine nearly as bright as you…. But we can’t have forever. I can’t give you that, no matter how much I wish that I could… What can I give you now? While we still have time?”

“I should be the one asking that…” Alexander pointed out, sniffling. “I should be trying to comfort you, and I’m a useless sobbing mess, and I’m sorry…”

“Doesn’t matter, love. I want every minute I have left to be spent making you happy. What can I do?”

“…Hold me. Don’t ever let go,” Alexander pleaded, a new wave of tears washing over him. “Please don’t let go… Hold onto me forever…”

Thomas pulled Alexander as close as possible, holding him tightly. “I can’t hold on forever, love… No matter how much I want to…”

“….Please try?” Alexander asked, voice weak and nearly shaking.

Thomas stared down at Alexander, feeling his heat shatter with each labored breath his fiance took in. “I’ll try, Alex. I’ll try my best not to let go.”


End file.
